Have you ever felt like your life was just going down the gutters? I've been feeling just a little depressed as of late, just thinking about how... un-extraordinary my life is. It's not that I'm complaining about it (which I suppose I sort of am right now) but everyone always has this vision of not having a mediocre life, and right now I feel as though I'm just strolling down that path into boring nothingness. What depresses me is that in this world 90% of the population isn't special. Despite the saying of "Everyone is unique", it just isn't true and we all know it. People aren't special (save for their fingerprints, and if only we could stop harping on that), we're just like little ants, looking the same, sounding the same, and having the same personalities. We only say things like "You're special" just so the other party won't feel like everybody else and so they can avoid the truth of the matter. Some people manage to get out of the "same like everybody else" mold, and I applaud them, but for the rest... We all blend together and become a huge mound of mud, we don't stand out like a diamond in the sand, sparkling oh so brightly. We are what we are, just meaningless repetitions.

I know I'm not special, unique, or whatever adjective you choose to describe special or unique. I've never done great things in my life, and I know I never will. It's not that I'm trying to be self-pitiful here, but there are certain things in your life that you realize over time, and facts are facts, no matter how much we try to pretend that reality isn't real. I think what horrifies me the most (if horrify is an appropriate word here) is that I can picture my life 30 years down the road, and I would be just another old hag with X number of kids, half of them brain dead, and struggling to put them to college, fat lot that will do considering how stupid the entire society is. Hell, I can even picture my funeral where it's going to say 'Mother and Wife', just like 3/4 of the people here. Just another nameless dead body to add onto the land. Nameless. It just makes you wonder what you're doing with your life. You work your ass off studying hard to get into a good university, get a job, get a spouse, get some kids, and voila, the fulfillment of life!!! The fact that I know chances are, I'll be one of those people just plain depresses me. What does it signify if those are gonna be my life achievements? A car, a house, a husband (in that order). God, I can just feel my life wasting away.

*Sigh* I should just give in to this form of life and submit myself to a life of mediocrity. Now I know why people shoot themselves in the head, I'm almost tempted to do it myself. (Before you start thinking *gasp* she's suicidal, let me just tell you that if suicidal means wondering if life is really worth it, then I suppose I am)