Nocturnal

2007-09-19T05:07:00.001-07:00

I was just talking to Steve about this girl sitting opposite us who looked interesting. She had on an outfit which normal students would never wear and was very gypsy-like. Guess what Steve said? "She looks cheap." Okay, to be fair gypsies have often be regarded as loose women who generally fuck around but still! The girl wasn't even wearing revealing clothes and just had a very different style (hence my slight interest in observing her).

I remember a similar conversation I had with another guy on this pretty looking girl who is my classmate... that she was an easy fuck. Apparently a friend of his had fucked and dumped her while she was serious about him. Now, I don't mind the whole fuck-and-dump routine per se, but come on! At least make it clear that nothing serious is gonna come out of the relationship.

What pisses me off about these guys is the fact that girls can't fuck around. What, you think just because we're girls we don't want to play around and fuck other people just for the sake of pleasure? While guys can go sow their stupid seeds and be labeled "player" the only label women like that end up with is the word "slut". I'm not saying that I would sleep around with any guy, but why not girls? I would hardly think that the guys who fucked around had any deep relationship with the girl, so why is it so wrong for women to sleep around for fun?

Imagine a situation like this: Girl meets guy in a club and is attracted to him. They go back to his place and have sex. Girl wakes up in the morning and just goes home satisfied after a good fuck. One day, Girl meets Guy in university and they realize that the world is friggin' small. Guy then tells all his guy friends that Girl is an easy lay.

What, you mean girls are not allowed to enjoy sex now? Just thinking about it gets me annoyed. I don't know about you, but I think girls who fuck around just for pleasure are admirable. Not all of them, but it's nice when you find women in Malaysia having such liberal thoughts about sex. Over here, all the guys I know are just into sweet, innocent-looking females. You know, those typical size 0 girls with boring, long straight hair, typical Chinese looks, and who don't seem to speak up about anything at all. Stupid.

2007-09-08T09:10:00.000-07:00

Fucking bosses and their fucking hypocrisies. I had this "talk" with Darren today about how he wants me to be more "committed and have a lot of sincerity" in the way I do things. He started giving me examples about how Joey and him both have that, and they love the job, blah blah blah whilst I tried to focus on his exact point and purpose. I don't know how "committed" Darren is, but I'll say this much about Joey: She's only committed when she wants to be, and when she chooses to be.

Let's take for example a customer who orders less than RM100 during the dinner hours... What kind of expressions do they get from her? A face that doesn't smile, and extremely bad service. Just say that particular customer orders the 4-course saver set. What they can expect is dessert that arrives even before the main course is done with, or even half done with. The plates are set for dessert, and the customer looks at you dumbfounded and wondering why the fuck you're setting for dessert when they're not even done eating the main meal. That's what you get. This is not a fucking dining experience, and all the crap about how good service is what you want to provide is bull.

Another illustration: I had a chat with one customer who was waiting for her daughter and she asked me if Joey was around. She then continued to remark that Joey's performance can only be described as temperamental (her words). Her service is great some days, shitty on others (again, her words; minus 'shitty' of course).

At this point in the discussion, with Darren beating around the bush instead of coming out and saying whatever the hell he wants to, I just asked him pointedly: "We're obviously having this 'conversation' because my performance thus far is less than satisfactory to you. So why don't you point out which aspect of it is, and I'll rectify it." (I was tired of him beating the fucking bush to death, I've had less than 3 hours of sleep, and I was fed up of someone saying there's nothing wrong with me and yet implying that it is, although still refusing to directly address whatever the issue is.) His answer: "I don't think there's anything problematic about you. All I'm saying is for you to have more communication." So what? I don't communicate?

Darren then continues to say that we should all try to suck up to the bosses (my words). How he put it was this: You need the bosses to have a good impression of you, so in order to achieve that you need to put in extra effort. I'm not asking you to offer me a mug of beer out of the blue, but eventually do it." What the fuck? Just bluntly say that yes, suck up to me. I don't mind you saying that, I really don't. But what I hate is you trying to make something appear different than what it is. A spade's a spade. Sucking up is sucking up, no matter what fancy fucking language you use. Fuck him, I don't even know what the fuck he wants. First, he tries to make it all sound like we're adults who "respect each other" and crap like that, and how we can talk to each other about things... but do you know he fires people simply because they justify their fucking actions? Your fucking "respect" is worth so little if you won't even listen to other people. I naturally pointed out that there would always be a certain barrier, for want of a better word, simply because you're the boss and I'm the staff (duh, who the fuck doesn't know that) like... everybody behaves differently in front, and you don't really loosen up first. The one who does that is the boss, because he has a higher authority to do so. I mean, can you imagine if you start joking with your boss and then bam! he turns at you and frowns, saying that you're rude? The one to make the first move should always be the boss, just so you know where you stand, you know what I mean?

The best part was when he started saying about how we had to love the food to recommend it etc and if there was "even a seed of doubt, then it won't sell." He then asked me if there was any such doubt in my situation, and I sat there contemplating if I should tell him that the desserts are horrible. So horrible that I wouldn't buy it even if it was 5 bucks. Hell, the only dessert I would take would be ice cream because hey, it's from fucking Walls. You can't ruin it, can you? That's why I never say that the desserts are good, because they fucking aren't. The one thing I hate about Darren is the fact that he doesn't spit out what he wants to say. He just keeps going round and round, like he doesn't even know what the focus is. He's asking me to be more vocal, but doesn't listen to me when I'm vocal, so it's just a whole lot easier to simply agree with whatever the hell he's saying (and I wanted to get home by that time).

Enough ranting, my steam is more or less gone already, replaced only with nausea because my stomach can't keep heavy food down and I still have "dinner" to eat.

2007-09-02T08:08:00.000-07:00

On occasion, you get customers who like to show off and act as though they're smarter than you. We had one such customer today, what was most hilarious was when he ordered a glass of the house white to my colleague.

"What kind of wine is this?"
"It's chardonnay, sir."
"I know it's chardonnay, but there are many kinds of chardonnay, aren't they?"
"I'm not sure what you mean, sir."
"I know your mother is a woman. But your mother could be Chinese, Indian, Malay etc. Just like Chardonnay, there are many variations: sauvignon blanc etc."

At which point of the story I just went "WTF?" That guy is an idiot. There are many variations to white wine, and chardonnay is one of them. Among the others would be sauvignon blanc and pinot blanc that I know of (my wine knowledge is very limited, I know). As far as it goes, the most customers would ask is what kind of grapes are used. Never have I ever heard a customer go: "What kind of chardonnay is this?"

It's fucking La Joya 2005 Chadonnay from Chile, you dumb fuck. Go back to wine school and stop trying to act like some smarty pants when you only come across as an idiot. How many kinds of fucking Chardonnay do you think we have anyway? Sauvignon blanc is NOT a part of chardonnay, it's falls under the white wine group, not chardonnay, dumbass. Know your facts before you start out trying to impress your girlfriend, seriously.

Another kind of customer would be the ones who hear what others say and not understanding a single word, repeat the same thing to the waiter (or in my case, waitress). One example would be pesto sauce. It simply means cooked in aglio e olio (not exactly, but in simple terms) but do they know this? Of course not. Don't recite things you don't know the fuck about. We don't have fancy pesto sauce, in fact, we don't really serve it. What comes the closest to it would be pasta cooked in extra virgin olive oil. Your friend probably didn't try pesto in the restaurant, either that or he just thinks he did because we don't bloody have it on our menu. Like I said, we only have olio pasta so deal with it. Don't kick up a fuss just because you said pesto (without knowing what it is) and it turns out to be not what you expected.

2007-08-25T09:17:00.001-07:00

Four people came into the bar section of the restaurant, the women ordering white wine while debating on the pros and cons of getting a bottle. They finally settled on glasses and I left them at it. In comes 2 other friends of theirs, and the other woman decides to order white wine as well. The other two women start to get excited and suggest opening a bottle.

"Can we change our orders to a bottle of white wine instead of glasses?"
"Uh... let me just check with the bar if the drinks have been poured."

I spot the bartender putting in the last few drops of wine into the second glass and lets the table know. Girls look around table in that I-want-a-friggin-bottle-of-wine kinda way.

"Is it possible for you to pour back the wine?"
"I'm sorry, but we can't do that."
Are you really asking me to pour back wine into the bottle and let other people drink it? Do you little bitches like drinking recycled wine yourselves?
"Is Darren in?"
No, he fucking isn't. And prissy little white wine drinkers like you ain't gonna get special treatment just because you know the owner. Everybody knows Darren, if you have the cash, I'll even give you his number. But until then, stop asking for extra white wine on the house and the best seats because frankly, we just don't give a shit that you know Darren.

Another group of six comes in, consisting of middle-aged couples desperately trying to show off their latest diamond rings and trips off to the South of France. I take their order and when the food arrives, announces it to the table for the man who ordered it.

"Excuse me sir, your spaghetti with bacon and meatballs."

I get a blank look from the man.

"Who ordered spaghetti with bacon?"
Whole table looks confusedly back at me.

"Sir, YOUR spaghetti with bacon."

2007-08-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

A perfect example of the Muslims' idea of justice: The bounty on Salman Rushdie's head. Reading the article on it just the other day made me enraged at the idea of such ridiculous notions of upholding religious justice. If you want to know more, just read this.

In case you're lazy, I'll sum it up. A book titled "The Satanic Verses" caused major controversy because apparently Rushdie had insulted the Muslim religion to the extent where the Prophet's wives were called whores etc. Iran's leader, having a major stick up his ass was pissed off that his god was insulted in such a way and called a death order to Rushdie, urges all "zealous Muslims" to kill the man if they ever see him or find someone who can do it if they can't. In fact, these stupid little bastards ended up killing translators of the book and keep issuing little notices and announcements stating that they would like to murder Rushdie. How perfectly fucking ridiculous.

Now you'll hear my say on it. Would you shoot a man because he said God was a bloody little prick who knows jackshit? I might be angry, but it's a little overboard to say, stab the man to death simply for making a statement like that. Do you see religious groups ordering their people to start killing everyone who say a single negative word against their beliefs (with the exception of Muslims, of course)? The part which I hated the most is that no one is allowed to insult the Islamic religion. Are we not allowed to mouth opinions? Apparently not in Islamic cases. What we are supposed to do is nod our heads and say "Oh, yes. Would you like me to go down on you again?" Fucking little whoresons. I'm sorry, but these people (and countries) deserve a big ol' "Fuck you" in their faces and a shot in the face, before they come after you with their 'parang' and whatnot. To impose their ideas and principles, not allowing differing opinions, and squealing about how we aren't respectful of their religion just makes me want to turn my back and ignore them for the rest of my life, amidst all the uproar. Someone should just say "shut the fuck up and sit down; you're in my country, play by my rules or I'll have your brain sautéed and served." What kind of fucked up asshole goes around killing innocent people for publishing the bloody book? Translating it? Being involved in it?

Archaic beliefs like these just makes me even more convinced that the asshole who issued such orders has a major superiority complex, can't take criticism, and has a huge tennis racket up his ass going "fuck me, fuck me".

2007-08-12T10:19:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling pretty low as of late. There's a sense of numbness in everything, and whatever laughter that comes just fades quickly and is so temporary. It's difficult to crack a smile unless my mind is diverted, and even that doesn't happen too often. My movements are slow and sluggish, every limb protesting against active movement so contrasting with my emotions. Every deep breath I take ends with a sigh, and my tears threaten to fall every time I close my eyes. I feel exhausted, but every time I feel like giving in my reluctance holds and I just can't let go.

I don't need a hug, I just need the inner strength to give a shrug and say to hell with it all.

2007-08-11T09:00:00.000-07:00

I had a really dumb customer today, and it's pretty laughable except that he probably won't be coming back to the restaurant ever again. Here's how the conversation went:

I had already taken his girlfriend's order.

Me: What will you be having?
Him: Is your bacon pork?
Me: Yes.
Him: Oh okay. How about your meatballs?
Me: It also has pork in it.
Him: What do you have in the menu that doesn't contain pork?
Me: You can try the mushrooms or the mix seafood pasta.
Him (talking to his girlfriend): I think I'll eat a salad.
Him (to me): I'll have the Caesar Salad.
Me: Erm... That one also has pork bacon in it.
Him: Fine. What do you recommend for me to have that doesn't have pork in it?
Me: Well, you can try the Chef's Salad or the Bread Salad, those are vegetarian. Or if you want pasta you can try the baked cheese prawns pasta, it's our chef's specialty.
Him: I don't take pork.
Me: Yeah, these are prawns.
Him: I can't take pork, I'm allergic to it.
Me: Err, yeah... prawns don't have pork in them.
Him: Okay fine, I'll have one of that.

At that point in the conversation, I was practically about to ask him if he was allergic to cheese as well. The best part was when the bill came.

I presented the bill to him.
Him: Holy shit, the pasta costs 45 bucks.
I smile politely to him (the bill amounted to RM95)
Him (looks incredulous): Shit, I don't have enough money. I only have 30 bucks with me. I can't believe the pasta costs 45 bucks. Looks like you'll have to pay for dinner second time in a row.
Girlfriend takes out 65 bucks.
I discreetly count the money to make sure there's enough.
Him (looks a little pissed off, in sarcastic voice): Why? Didn't I put the money correctly?
Me: Nope, the amount is correct. Forces self to smile and walk away acting not pissed off when I really am.

You know, I felt a little bad for the guy but it's his fault for not checking the price of the pasta in the first place. And besides, who the hell brings someone to a restaurant and brings only 30 bucks if he's supposed to be spending on someone else as well?

2007-07-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

I have never had a drama that frustrated me so much. Sure, I've watched a few where the two leads have missed chances and such where you're rolling your eyes at the cliche moments where the camera catches two people who miss each other by a fraction. Trust me, after watching Proposal Daisakusen, you would shoot yourself at the amount of stupidity that is men. I'll begin my story (or rant) with a short summary of the story.

The scene opens up with a mid-twenties Ken waking up late for a wedding, the wedding of his childhood friend. Halfway through the ceremony, he realizes how important the bride, Rei is to him and wishes that he could redo the things he did in the past that made her unhappy (she's a childhood best friend of his). So bam! Out pop this fairy (I know, I know, it's a little lame, I agree) who decides to grant Ken his wish of going back into the past and create better memories as well as confess to Rei that he likes her before she ends up marrying this other guy (who incidentally is quite good looking). Now, this story actually doesn't describe his entire one-time back to the past but rather throughout all 11 episodes brings Ken back into the past numerous times through the years.

What I find extremely frustrating (to the point of actually wanting to pull my hair) is how incredibly stupid a man can get. You would think after 7 episodes, people learn from their goddamn mistakes! Of course not, Ken is so insanely stupid that all you want to do is give him a punch in the face and say "Get over her if you're not going to do it right!" but I digress. Let me describe just how frustrating the show is. Starting from episode one, we are presented Ken playing in the finals of some baseball match (in which he actually lost). After losing the damn game (even though he was betting on winning), he decides it's not worth it to confess to Rei simply because he lost. I guess it's in the whole "I'm gonna look uncool if I confess after losing a game" psychology but dude... and you know, this is fine (to cut some slack).

Fast forward a few more episodes and Ken is still stumbling over three little words "I like you" and really for the want of trying. He gives up after a single failed attempt (per episode of course) and usually utters one and a half of the words before time is up. I swear, everytime he comes this close to saying the fucking words "like" before failing I just want to punch him. And this episode, episode 7 is by far the worst because Rei's current fiance (soon-to-be husband) confesses to her. Knowing that he has a really short time line, does he act fast? Of course not. Stumbles over and over again, that you just want to vent your irritation onto something. Constantly waiting for the "right time and chance", he ends up failing again while the good looking fiance just confesses in public (which stupid Ken doesn't have the guts to do) despite severe embarrassment. And do you want to know why he failed? Because he told his friend before they played "Ousama Game" (kinda like Simon Says) that if the friend ever becomes Ousama, to let Ken and Rei go to the hall together. What kinda fucking idiot does that? You see, he was just about to tell Rei to step out before they were interrupted. Why couldn't he just pull her aside before the bloody game started?! Why does he have to wait for the game to start and involve the game in his confession?! *Takes a deep breath* Fucking idiot.

You just start to wonder what's the point of the whole damn show. I know they're trying to drag on the show for 11 fucking episodes, but this is a little too much. I'm this close to dropping the whole series because it makes me so frustrated to see Ken try to confess time and time again only to chicken out at the last minute. Damn producers, don't they know too much suspense ultimately kills the audience? Certainly I get the message the drama is trying to get across (who wouldn't have 7 episodes of frustration?!) but this is going overboard and someone needs to give Ken a good punch in the face and tell him to get his act together. It's just three words and you have nothing to lose (after all, the worst that could happen is Rei marrying fiance, which isn't likely to happen since she too likes Ken) but nooo... waiting for the right fucking chance. Chance chance chance, if you play Monopoly you know that Chance doesn't come very often. Wishy washy guys aren't going to get girls, that's for sure.

2007-07-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

The most unexpected thing happened today while I was cleaning a table. It was around... close to 11 at night I suppose, and all of a sudden Darren comes in, looks at me with a smile and a look of glee on his face says "You want to know something, Ruth?", allowing me the obligatory "What?" (although I highly doubt he wouldn't tell me anyways if I hadn't responded)

"This hairstyle really doesn't suit you. You don't look nice like that. You should've stuck with your old hairstyle, you looked better then." Let me just tell you this, I was stunned. In fact, I can't even begin to describe how I felt then because a. That was completely out of the blue b. We never say anything to each other.

Allow me to describe the relationship I have with Darren. The only time I ever talked to him alone for 5 minutes was when I had the job interview with him. After that it was the usual "Bye" after work and nothing more. We don't give a shit about each other. I'm just another employee to him, he's just another manager to me. We don't speak to each other, we don't chat with each other, I know jack shit about him, although he probably knows a bit more about me (like... ooh, I'm on a break now.)

I know I shouldn't be a little annoyed (make that angry) at him. Of course, he's just stating his own fucking opinion (as all those people out there just love to say when they say something that pisses the other party off "Oh, it's my honest opinion. Take it or leave it." Well, you can certainly take your stupid opinion and shove it up your ass. And don't even let me get started on you) but you know what? I'm pissed. Not majorly pissed, but you know, the kind that's more than just annoyed, but a little short of anger feeling.

The best part was that I think he's just a little tipsy. Why? Because he had a couple glasses of brandy (at least I think it was brandy, but it was basically one of those hard core liquors) and you know... I HAD THAT FUCKING HAIRCUT FOR MORE THAN A WEEK AND YOU TELL ME THIS NOW? Blah blah blah, I don't need to hear another "He's entitled to his own opinion" line. I'm pissed. Period. The one thing that really irks me the most is that he didn't even have to guts to say it to my face the very first day I came in with that haircut. In fact, I've noticed that most of the time both he and Joey don't say things to my face that they don't like. For example when I'm doing something wrongly. Do they tell me? Of course not! They pass the message along to a friggin' messenger so I can't shoot the damn guy. Now, I really don't have a problem with you telling me my mistakes, but at least tell it to my face rather than passing the job to other people. The haircut comment is just another example of him being too chickenshit to say things to my face without the aid of some alcohol in his stupid fat liver.

Anyone who thinks my haircut makes me look ugly/horrible/fat/kiddish/stupid/retro or whatever just go ahead and say it to me because you know what's surprising? I may care about your comments, but not for a minute would I trade my current hairstyle for the one I used to have. Sure, I have bad hair days (in fact, they're happening everyday) and the hairstyle is going out of shape (really quickly actually), and I do get hurt when you tell me my haircut looks really ugly and makes me look childish and fat, but at the end of the day, I realized that despite all the negative comments and the fact that I don't really love the hairstyle (although I like it sometimes) the days of having long hair are long gone and I'm happy. That said, I'm never cutting this kind of short hair again for the sole reason that it's troublesome when your hair starts growing really quickly and goes out of shape, making you look like some 80's mom.

Oh, and for all those who don't really understand why I'm stunned when Darren told me how horrible my haircut is... ever had a relationship with someone who you treat as practically nonexistent 3/4 of the time, only to have them make such a personal comment about you?

2007-07-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

Interesting customers today, spoiled little bunch of buggers. I don't see what's the point of having a huge ass round table for you when there's only 2 people and they don't weigh 500 pounds. We had like 3 customers (which is actually quite a lot) who absolutely refused to sit in the restaurant unless they got nice fancy couch seats. Hello? If you want it that badly, why don't you call in a bunch of friends? That way, we'll definitely have to give it to you.

This one customer took the cake for Most Unbelievable Customer (in my book, of course). He came in with this woman, who I suppose is his girlfriend (she looked a little old though) and wanted to sit at a 5 seater table. Now, we don't normally allow this, since it's Friday night, dinner time, and the dinner crowd was gonna come in soon. Naturally, he insisted upon it. Can't do much about it, but we had to kick them out of that seat since there aren't many 5 seater tables around. So Eddie told them that the table was already reserved (which is actually a ploy to get them to move) and the guy threw a huge fuss, demanding to see the manager. Well, if we want to kick you from that seat, we'll damn well kick you from it, and there's nothing you can do about it. So he got kicked out, acted really pissy about it (although I didn't witness firsthand his hissy fit because I was carrying the drinks out from the bar) and...

I came back in only to hear a really loud "Fuck you!" directed towards the waiters, which made me really confused. Why would they be shouting "fuck you" for something stupid like shifting tables? Thinking I must've misheard the guy or something, I just looked around in confusion. Then, the guy just reached out his hand and knocked over our sign (the one that says "50% off all pasta..." making me go "WTF?" Yeah, I didn't mishear the "fuck you", which is completely ridiculous. Come on, who goes around shouting (yes, shouting loud enough that other patrons turned around at the commotion) fuck you just because you have to change tables? Geez. *Rolls eyes*

Then, you'll get customers who just refuse to sit at two-seater tables for god knows what bloody reason. Point out one table to them and it's "No", another and you get the same reply. Well, what the fuck do you want me to do? Force everybody else to leave when you're not spending more than a hundred bucks, you bloody cheapskate who just wants to play footsie with your stupid girlfriend? The worst part is when they start looking around at bigger tables with about 2 people seated because the others haven't arrived yet (open your eyes you stupid bugger) and start making a fuss over it. Whatever. Why don't you come back at say... 10pm? Then we'll give you any seat you want.

Geez, do they think waiters are Gods of the restaurants or something?

2007-07-24T05:11:00.000-07:00

Anyone ever heard of Mark Cheng Ho Nam? Cause I sure as hell haven't. He came into the restaurant today, with both Eddie and Cherru squealing like mad with "Oh my god, I can't believe it's him!" and me going "Huh? Who's that?" The only thing I noted about him was that he looked well-dressed and as good-looking (in a rugged sorta way) as a man in his late forties can.

Wanna know who he is? Go Google him.

2007-07-23T07:53:00.000-07:00

You know you're a stingy bugger when you absolutely refuse to buy the Harry Potter hardcover book for 120 bucks (or something like that) and would rather download the PDF version which takes about 1 minute of your time. Off to read Harry Potter book whatever now.

2007-07-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

What is it about horror films that just lures people to watch it no matter how freaked out they get when it's all over and they say to themselves "Never again"? The same cliche plot, the not-so-great acting (considering all the actors have to do is run around and scream their heads off), the overused props...

What exactly is it about these that attract people to it? Because I personally get scared shitless every time I watch horror films. Yes, I'm a true chickenshit at heart. Scared shitless by a buncha talking dolls. I really don't know, I suppose it's the thrill factor, the adrenaline rush it gives you. Kinda like watching a real-live accident with all the gory-ness out there and you're pressing your nose against the car window as it drives away and your head turns towards to back to catch another glimpse of maybe some hint of blood on the floor. Malaysians.

2007-07-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many people are racially biased in this country (probably a lot), but when someone becomes overly sensitive about such people till they start seeing everyone else as prejudiced, then it gets annoying. Not sure what I mean? Well, today I had a "chat" with the owner, together with this other guy (who's doing a H&T training) and a few other colleagues. The topic? Prejudice. Or to be exact, racial prejudice. WTF. I don't know how the hell it just came up, but suddenly there was all this hoo-ha about people who thought them better than other races, and it seemed directed towards me and the trainee (Eddie), which frankly, makes me a little confused, because never have I in the restaurant made a disparaging remark against a particular race. My theory is this: They saw me chatting with Eddie (talking softly actually) and probably assumed that we were forming some exclusive clique of some sort meaning to keep out everyone else. Which, you know... might seem pretty ridiculous, but I assure you, I'm probably 75% right on target.

You see, since me and Eddie were talking softly, they probably thought we were talking about foreign workers and stuff. The truth is, we were actually discussing the manager and owner, which obviously you don't talk loudly about to the whole friggin' world. Well, whatever. But I was a little offended that they made it seem as though we weren't cooperating with the colleagues because we thought we were "better than them". Which made me realize the two ironies in this situation.

The first:
It is ironic that by trying to close the "gap" between locals and foreigners, the gap inevitably widens due to the fact that we are constantly reminded of it. Now, if they had stopped reminding me that everyone's prejudiced in some way, I wouldn't even be thinking "Okay, they're Burmese, I'm Malaysian". But now that they've drilled it in your head, you're constantly aware of how different you are. Like... you're supposed to always be nice to foreigners, or else they'll start thinking that you're fucking prejudiced. I mean, seriously... WTF?! It's like saying that you can't dislike someone because then everyone's going to think you're some racist bitch. What happens if you just plain dislike them because of their friggin' personality? Too bad? It's truly quite silly. Now I'm going to start feeling like I'm not supposed to talk to Eddie (who happens to be Chinese) simply because they're going to start thinking that I'm ostracizing everybody else. Do you know how fucking ridiculous that is? Do they even realize the impact of constantly reminding everyone of some bloody gap? To be fair, I do understand that there are racists out there, but you know, if you haven't seen any proof of us being that, stop acting as though we're all born that way. Innocent until proven guilty, and all that jazz. There's no point calling someone innocent when you're treating them like they're guilty.

The second:
Racial bias? Try language barrier. Being the rare Chinese in the entire restaurant makes you the odd one one. Fuck superiority complex, you start feeling ostracized. Why? Because they start speaking in Burmese and God knows if they're bitching about you in front of your bloody face since you sure as hell can't understand a word they're saying. So if they're suggesting that we Chinese are acting superior, think again. Majority rules, and the majority are Burmese. It's really ironic that they think we ostracize Burmese, when it's really the other way round. Well, not per se, but you know... No one is really ostracizing anyone, but when the ratio of Chinese to Burmese is 1:5, really now, I would say the ones capable of shunning colleagues aren't really the Chinese. And (if you want to call me racist for this, go ahead) is it really a crime for me to want to be able to discuss something with someone without having to explain every single word I said in simpler English?

You know, I'm really tired of being treated like a criminal. I can't even count the number of times the manager and owner have asked me if I have a problem working with Burmese, when not once have not tried to be friendly. It pisses me off.

Other than that, there isn't much to blog about. Well, if you want... Now I know how it feels like being asked out by some drunken 40 year old. Here's the story: four guys were drinking lots of beer and started singing along to ABBA like they're in some karaoke bar. How wonderful. So what happened? I got called over to they're table and they started introducing themselves to me. I know, WTF? I shook all their hands, smiled pleasantly and thought to myself "What kinda fucking morons drink themselves silly before 6pm?" Told them my name, and they failed to pronounce it, coming up with the oh-so-conclusive "R-U-T-T" while I corrected them. Then this slightly nerdy looking 40-ish dude took out his phone and asked for my number. I smiled and said I don't hand out personal info to random strangers as the other guy who had graying black hair started babbling on about how they were "captivated" by me. Serious "WHAT THE FUCK?!" moment.

At least they didn't start puking on the floor. It's absolutely disgusting to see middle-aged men drinking themselves drunk. Why? Because they're always the loudest, and all end up looking like sleazy perverts.

Oh, and I had a dumb blond moment today.

Girl: Can I have an ice honey lemon please?
Me: Yeah sure. Would you like it hot or cold?
Girl: Uh... It's iced.

Talk about embarrassing.

2007-07-20T13:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm seriously a little creeped out right now. Just finished watching Zodiac, and it's not that it's scary per se, but you know... watching serial killers murder their victims have a way of affecting you into thinking every shadow out there is waiting to jump you.

Damn, my imagination is running wild now.

2007-07-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

Work today was full of blunders. Not major blunders, but ones that make you cringe and think that it was not a very good day. My first incident of the day was when this group of office ladies came by for lunch ordering two pastas. After repeating their orders, I thought everything would be fine... but after they got the food, this stupid bitch went and said that she ordered something else (spaghetti, not capellini). I was like "WTF?" since I obviously repeated the damn order with her bloody approval and now she's telling ME that she ordered something else. I went there asking her what was the bloody problem, and she went babbling on about how I recommended capellini but she didn't order it blah blah blah and I told her that it wasn't that way, that I repeated the order and she told me it was correct. Obviously I was irritated.

I mean, what's the bloody fucking point of me repeating the order if you're not going to listen? Is it my fault you have a short fucking attention span that you can't even focus for five bloody seconds to actually listen to what I'm saying? So maybe it was my fault that I took the order wrongly the first time, but it's not my fault when you don't listen enough to tell me I made a mistake. God, I hate such people. You wanna chat, fine. Just don't come complaining just because I got your order wrongly when a. you speak like your voice box decided to run away and b. you don't bother listening to the order being repeated.

Another similar incident happened a couple days ago where this family of four were ordering food. The annoying brat ordered some fish and chips (which you know no one takes seriously since kids aren't the ones paying the friggin' bill). So after everything was done, I repeated everything and the father nodded in agreement. 15 minutes later, he's calling me and saying he ordered fish and chips for his kid. *Rolls eyes* Listen the next time I'm telling you something, will ya? Can you imagine if I took the kid seriously and gave out the order, only to find out that they didn't plan to eat it? So irritating.

Second blunder, which I don't really consider it one actually was when I was carrying this dish. It's friggin' hot, like seriously hot and even though there's a cold plate underneath it, I don't dare carry it without a cloth because I had a previous incident of grazing my forefinger against it only to suffer minor burns. So fine, I used to cloth to pick up the plate, and then my colleague was acting all pissy and asking why I didn't just carry it by itself. So I explained the situation, and he was just like "Why can't you carry it like that?" with one hand carrying the plate. Naturally, I told him I cannot, which is like... pretty obvious because a. it's heavy b. it's hot so if I use one hand and it can't support the weight, by instinct my other hand would reach out to balance out the weight, only to touch the hot plate, and cause me to drop the entire dish onto the floor. He got all mad at me, and was like "If you can't carry it then go!", causing me to look at him in confusion like "WTF does that mean?" although I think he meant it in the "Get out of here" kinda way. Like, excuse me? I was carrying the bloody plate perfectly fine with the damn cloth and just because I can't carry it with one hand I'm incapable of working? So what if my method isn't the most professional? At least I don't spill it into a big fucking mess onto the floor. After that I tried explaining to him, but no... he wouldn't listen. Kept talking on and on about how he's trying to help me etc etc while I'm just standing there wondering if it's worth the effort to pick a damn fight with him about how to carry some stupid plate. The reason why I never carry a hot plate like that ever again by itself is because every single time I carry this dish, I burn myself. Every time. I swear. The first time I did (with no cloth) I burned myself when I lifted my hand from the dish. The second time? Same thing. Urgh.

2007-07-05T07:07:00.000-07:00

Third day of work and boy, did I get a lot of shit from the manager. She found out that I took orders and messed it up by forgetting to ask what kind of pasta the customer wanted. And then the scolding began. I wouldn't call it scolding per se, because it wasn't. The conversation was basically like this:

Joey : Jasmine told me you took orders from a customer on Tuesday and you forgot to ask them what pasta they wanted.
Me: Err... Umm... actually it wasn't pasta, it was the sauce...
Joey: So do you think you know the menu well? Did you go through it thoroughly?
Me: Err... Yeah, I think so.
Joey: Okay, let me test you. How many kinds of vegetarian dishes do we have?
Me: I'm... I'm not sure. I don't know.
Joey: Okay, then what if the customer wants to order pasta? What's the first thing you'll ask them?
Me: Um... Ask what kinda sauce/pasta/ingredients they want?
Joey: Okay never mind. What if the customer asks how many people one pasta dish is for?
Me: Umm... tell them it's recommended for one person but it's possible for two?
Joey: You see we're not an American-style restaurant... blah blah blah. What about recommendations? If the customer asks you "Does the extra virgin olive oil sauce pasta have wine in it?
Me: No.
Joey: Wrong. Extra virgin olive oil pasta is cooked with white wine.

Thank god the grilling session stopped because a customer called her over. GOD! I SWEAR IT'S SO HORRIBLE!

Oh, and I also forgot to mention a huge fiasco which happened on Tuesday. The customer I took an order for had ordered 3 pasta and 2 kids meal so they're actually entitled to get 3 free glasses of white wine. Me, not thinking went and asked the father "So that'll be 5 glasses of white wine?" only to have him look at me with huge eyes filled with shock. You see, his kids are at the oldest, 7. I'm actually glad that they boss wasn't in that day, because even sending orders to the wrong table would entitle you to a scolding session.

Anyway, I messed up again today when answering the phone. What happened was that the supervisor (Don't know what position she's in) was busy and everyone else was gone so I had to pick up the phone, which is all fine and dandy, except that my mind just went completely blank and I went:

Me: H-Hello? *Long silence* Erm... Dave's? *Spoken in a really hesitant and unsure voice*
Owner: Hello? Sher Ru? Is that you?
Me: Um.. no, Sher Ru isn't in today.
Owner: Who is this then?
Me: Err... Ruth.
Owner: Ah... Ruth, YOU CAN'T ANSWER THE PHONE LIKE THAT! WHAT HAPPENS IF THE CUSTOMER CALLS AND YOU ANSWER LIKE THAT? HAH?!
Me: *Doesn't know what to say* Erm... sorry? *I actually said sorry with the question mark behind!!! Like OMG! Shit!!!*
Owner: DON'T APOLOGIZE, I DON'T WANT YOU TO APOLOGIZE. DON'T DO THIS EVER AGAIN!
Me: Okay, alright.
Owner: Didn't I provide you with a manual on how to answer the phone?!
Me: Erm... yeah you did.
Owner: Then??? Just don't do it again. CAN YOU PLEASE CALL JASMINE NOW? *Super irritated voice*
Me: Okay, just hang on a sec.

So basically I just got screwed over the phone by the owner. Which you know, usually I won't make a huge deal over, but he DOES have a record of making the female staff cry more than once and I do NOT want to start bawling before my first fucking week is over. I started stressing about it, and talked to the supervisor (Jasmine) about it and asked her what I should do. She said that if he remembers he would start yelling at me the next day but if he forgets then he won't. But the chances of him forgetting is too slim. Great. So she told me that if I'm busy tomorrow he won't scold me about it, but then now I have to start pretending to be busy just so he won't start screaming his head at me for answering the phone wrongly. Jasmine then told me why don't I tell Joey (manager) so she can scold me instead of the owner because the owner would tell her about the incident (since he told Jasmine after speaking to her on the phone) which I don't know is a good idea or not because she needs to pass on the message that I was reprimanded for answering the phone wrongly. But well... what I'm hoping is that the owner will tell Joey, and then say that he needs to scream at me, and Joey will say "No need la, I already scold her" and he would forget about it. Hopefully that will happen!

What's worse is that I told Joey, explained that my mind was completely blank so I just kinda stumbled over my words, and she didn't seem angry, kinda laughed a little, and told me "Do you know the one thing Darren (owner) is most particular about? Phone calls. He actually fired one guy because he answered the phone wrongly." Wonderful.

[By the way, I'm serious about the fact that he makes all the female staff cry more than once. My colleague told me point blank that everyone here has cried more than once after being shouted at by the owner. Can you just say "Shit"?]

2007-07-03T03:30:00.001-07:00

I made so many blunders today it just makes me cringe thinking about it. Thank god the boss/manager wasn't around the whole day or else I would be pretty screwed, especially since my colleague told me that the owner scolds and it actually causes people to start crying. Great. How wonderful.

Major screw ups I made throughout 6 hours:
- Sending the order to the wrong table, only to receive blank stares by four women, one of them pregnant.
- Pouring green tea, forgetting to lift up the lid so the tea kinda slosh/dripped down the sides of the pot. Hopefully it didn't burn the customer.
- Took orders for the first time and had to go back and ask the customer more details about their food.
- Customer specifically said no extra cheese on pasta; there was cheese powder in mushroom soup.

Hopefully I'll get more practice before the weekend begins because as my colleague so kindly guaranteed: "You'll most definitely screw up during the weekends cuz it's so busy. Don't worry, everyone's cried a few times here, you'll be fine." How fucking comforting.

2007-07-02T08:34:00.000-07:00

First day of week. To describe it briefly: anti-climatic. Hmm... how should I put it? I went there, was told lots of things you're supposed to know like table setting, menu, restaurant procedure and all that jazz. The place isn't really busy (not dead, just kinda not busy) so I didn't really do much, just kinda stood there staring outside and... well, whatever the hell people do when they're bored. Besides, I wasn't given too many responsibilities like taking orders so it's kinda blah.

Nope, I didn't break anything, although I think there was one point where my hand just couldn't take holding up the tray and was shaking just a little bit. Blah. It's just blah. But I feel tired, because there's practically nothing there for me to do, and yet I have to keep up this semi-happy expression on my face and it's bloody tiring. Kinda like fake-smiling for too long that you find your face muscles permanently frozen in that position. When I got off work, the smile got wiped off my face and it felt so good. I don't like it, I felt so tense the whole time I was working, as though my every action was under microscopic review. It's horrendous to be observed and left wondering if there was something wrong with the way you carry yourself because they aren't saying anything, just watching you. I know I sound just a little on the paranoid side, and maybe I am... but when I was heading back after my shift was over, I swear it wasn't paranoia. Can't really describe it, it's just something that you feel.

It's such a relief to be able to just slump my shoulders, not trying to look alert or interested 24/7. I know I'll survive the next two months, the question is, will I enjoy the time I spent working?

2007-06-30T00:55:00.000-07:00

Sweat trickling down my forehead as I grit my teeth with immense pain. Fingernails creating half moons on my palm as it cuts into my flesh. An empty stomach trying to find material enough to heave out through my throat as I retch painfully. Spots dotting my eyesight as I struggle against nausea and a sudden thirst for fluids. Pain coming in waves with momentary respite too short to grant me true relief. Downing pill after pill, staring at the same spot for 15 minutes but not seeing anything.

God, I hate my menstrual cycle.

2007-06-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

Rod Stewart's "Everytime We Say Goodbye" is permanently stuck in my head. I just love his gravelly voice, and while I'm sitting down doing next to nothing, it's just so... soothing. But there's just a hint of melancholy in me right now which doesn't seem to be going away.

2007-06-15T12:38:00.000-07:00

Fucking Hana Yori Dango now not only fucks up my iTunes, but also fucks up Mozilla fucking Firefox. How fucking wonderful to manually restart my computer only to fucking realize that ALL my fucking favorites are gone. GONE. FUCK. Everything I've accumulated over the months and years, gone. In one fucking moment. I'm so fucking pissed right now. Jesus fucking Christ. Now, I have to look up and try to remember every single fucking website I've added to the favorites because motherfucking Firefox is such a useless fucking piece of shit. Argh! I'm so damn pissed off right now! Especially for the stuff that I took so bloody long to search for and bookmarked, only to have them disappear on me now!!!

2007-06-04T08:58:00.000-07:00

Gah, Contract is tomorrow and I feel relieved/stressed/worried/anticipatory. Believe it or not, there's actually anticipation in tackling the questions that come out for the paper... not that I'm certain I would know how to answer them, because I don't. But it's I suppose challenging in a sense, and I feel like I'm at least doing something productive with my brain.

2007-05-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

I'm developing writing cramigitis - it's a disease where your fingers cramp up because you realize how much you screwed over the studies and now is planning to cram in as many essays as you can to ensure you know your topics.

Symptoms include:
-Not being able to focus after finishing one essay (which is a problem when you have to write another two)
-The tendency to shorten all your thoughts into non-coherent sentences
-Awfully illegible scribblings

*Sighs* Bloody Contract paper on Tuesday and the more I do past year papers, the less confident I feel. Why? Because those damn examiners go "Students do not know how to do critical thinking and only regurgitate everything available on the topic. Centers are reminded that critical thinking makes up 40% of marks given." Well excuse me, but between trying to cram every thing we're supposed to be writing and sorting out our damn thoughts to give critical answers, we tend to run out of time. 30 minutes per essay is not enough, unless you stop discussing cases and just refer to them, in which case you lose points because you don't show "a clear understanding of the facts of the case."

The problem I face is basically trying to come up with critical answers, because my thoughts come in a sequence... kind of like connect the dots where one point leads to the other and I find it difficult to jump from point A to point D because I'm just jumping into a blank space hoping I hit it. I don't know how everyone can say they "trust I'll do well" when I don't even trust myself to do a good job. If I get a C I don't know what I'll do, seriously. (Nah, I won't shoot myself, but well... ya know.)

2007-05-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

I had the oddest dream this afternoon which I can call a semi-nightmare. Why? Because I never have nightmares. Not the kind that makes you get up sweating and feeling like you ran a hundred miles because some monster was chasing you. Not those.

In the dream... I was in a cave and supposed to be slaying monsters. Well, not monsters per se, maybe demon-like women? There were eight of them, and I think they were prostitutes or something meant to tempt travelers or something. Anyway, there I was with a group of people whom I met halfway through the journey, and I recall vaguely that we were trying to escape from the cave and we had to fight these creatures. I don't remember why I felt scared, but I think it was due to the fact that the cave was dark and there was this sense that I had... like I couldn't trust the people around me. Something about maybe them being an illusion, and just waiting to pounce on me the moment I let my guard down. The most vivid part of the entire dream was this samurai monster, which I kept hacking and hacking, but its pieces kept crawling back towards me. I recall using a sword to slice of its head with one stroke, but it just kept coming back (no, this wasn't the part where I felt afraid). Almost to the end of the dream, we had reached the end of the tunnel and the only way was up. Then this samurai thing (which I threw over the cliff and into the sea, all its part not in tact) was grown into the wall, think... Pirates of the Carribean, yeah, the part where Orlando's dad was this half sea creature thingy and half man. So anyway, the monster kept repeating "I'll eat you for lunch" (or something to that effect) and I used the sword to pick out its eyeballs and said "Eat this." Yeah, it was pretty weird, cuz there were many replicas of the monster, and each time they said that line, I gave them their eyeballs to eat. Finally, the last monster took his own eyeballs and ate them, which I don't know why, but was a fascinating thing to watch.

I'm weird.

2007-05-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

I just finished my English paper on 20th Century Texts and frankly, I'm a little worried. I thought I did alright (meaning I had enough to crap about) but then after the exam, everyone goes "I don't get what the question is asking, cuz I don't see the significance and effect of the extract," and my heart goes ba-dump in that "WTF? I thought it was pretty straightforward. Fuck, what if I answered wrongly?" and I am now feeling worried.

I don't wanna get a B! But what if I got a C, that would be even worse, so I suppose a B is better... but... *sighs* maybe I should just prepare myself to get a C, at least then I won't be too disappointed when I get my results back.

And now there's Law to worry about, since I got such crappy marks for the trial exams. *Sighs* I guess I'll just have to become a complete nerd for two weeks.

2007-05-24T09:04:00.000-07:00

You know what annoys me? My brother having fits of filial piety. His bloody holier-than-thou attitude just gets on my nerve, but you know, me being the patient person that I am (haha) I just ignore him and go on with my own thing. Like just recently we were having dinner after I just woke up from a nap and as usual, I was very un-communicative. My mom was telling me something so I just nodded my head and mumbled something, and my brother had to make this comment that I was "like a dead zombie, don't bother talking to her." Fine, I'll let it go since I couldn't be bothered to answer that snide comment. But then he had to make another one, comparing me to a damn monkey! I just smiled at him and continued eating my rice, restraining myself from asking him if he had a bloody stick up his ass. Am I not a paragon of patience?

2007-05-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

She walks in beauty, like the night
of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

Okay, considering how un-romantic I am, I have to say that these lines are beautiful. Lord Byron, considering the fact that I didn't like him because he is such a dandy has changed my mind with this poem. Especially the first two lines: "She walks in beauty, like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies," I think I only like it cause it conjures an image of an ethereal beauty, supernatural and unreal. Hell, if he's comparing her to a cloudless night, she's gonna be surreal. Hmm... somehow it reminds me of this goddess from Endymion, whose name I just can't grasp at the moment.

2007-05-13T00:15:00.000-07:00

I am hit with a new wave of depression. Okay, maybe not depression but my mood has sunk to a negative point for the day. I feel so temperamental lately, and I highly doubt the presence of PMS. *Sighs* I suppose it's the heat, and the worry for the upcoming finals which I have yet to prepare for, my reluctance to study, listening to depressing Damien Rice, and my return to the Internet world. The last one being rather ironic, since chatting with people should be elevating my mood, not bring it to the pits. I think it's the interaction with people, cause every time I interact with people, my mood swings to a lighter one, but the dependence that I have on them to make me feel positive depresses me, which is why I choose to be a loner because then I only depend on things to make me happy or sad.

2007-05-10T12:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in love with Emily Dickinson's poem "Because I could not stop for Death", it has such romantic lines (if you're into depressing stuff) so I thought I'd post a few of the lines that I like the most:

Because I could not stop Death,
He kindly stopped for me,
The carriage held but ourselves
And Immortality,

We slowly drove,
He knew no haste,
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.

Emily Dickinson is morbid. Well, considering that she was agoraphobic and practically hibernated in her home, I'm not surprised at her works. Hell, you should see the way she looks, all dressed in black with a little bun and a long face. Back stiff as a board, her clothes are buttoned to her chin, it's no surprise she writes poems that are so incredibly dark.

2007-05-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

I swear, I almost hate King Lear right now. I was writing an essay on it, and halfway through the first paragraph, I realized I didn't know what the hell I was writing about, the only words resounding through my brain was "filial piety filial piety filial piety", not exactly the most helpful term since I can't exactly write 3 pages on filial piety with only 2o lines to help me along the way. *Sigh* I'm seriously worried right now, especially since I was agonizing for almost an hour and came up with only one page of bullshit with a measly sentence to summarize Shakespeare's thoughts on filial piety. *Kicks self*

2007-05-09T09:38:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes I don't like myself very much. I'm not saying I hate myself or anything; in fact I quite like myself... but there are times in my life where I feel myself quite ugly. It's like a dark feeling that I get sometimes, making me feel like a petulant child. I do think "petulant child" is a very apt description of what I feel, albeit one that creates the impression of triviality. Well, it isn't (trivial, that is). It's as if this emotion just festers inside me, and makes me feel irritated at the world around me, causing me to snap at people who aren't involved directly with making me this way.

What makes me not like this feeling is that I'm in the emotional dumps right now and my mood elevator has gone all the way to hell, resulting in me finding it even more difficult to climb back out of the hole I dug and dumped myself into.

*Sighs* Whatever.

2007-05-07T07:29:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt like your life was just going down the gutters? I've been feeling just a little depressed as of late, just thinking about how... un-extraordinary my life is. It's not that I'm complaining about it (which I suppose I sort of am right now) but everyone always has this vision of not having a mediocre life, and right now I feel as though I'm just strolling down that path into boring nothingness. What depresses me is that in this world 90% of the population isn't special. Despite the saying of "Everyone is unique", it just isn't true and we all know it. People aren't special (save for their fingerprints, and if only we could stop harping on that), we're just like little ants, looking the same, sounding the same, and having the same personalities. We only say things like "You're special" just so the other party won't feel like everybody else and so they can avoid the truth of the matter. Some people manage to get out of the "same like everybody else" mold, and I applaud them, but for the rest... We all blend together and become a huge mound of mud, we don't stand out like a diamond in the sand, sparkling oh so brightly. We are what we are, just meaningless repetitions.

I know I'm not special, unique, or whatever adjective you choose to describe special or unique. I've never done great things in my life, and I know I never will. It's not that I'm trying to be self-pitiful here, but there are certain things in your life that you realize over time, and facts are facts, no matter how much we try to pretend that reality isn't real. I think what horrifies me the most (if horrify is an appropriate word here) is that I can picture my life 30 years down the road, and I would be just another old hag with X number of kids, half of them brain dead, and struggling to put them to college, fat lot that will do considering how stupid the entire society is. Hell, I can even picture my funeral where it's going to say 'Mother and Wife', just like 3/4 of the people here. Just another nameless dead body to add onto the land. Nameless. It just makes you wonder what you're doing with your life. You work your ass off studying hard to get into a good university, get a job, get a spouse, get some kids, and voila, the fulfillment of life!!! The fact that I know chances are, I'll be one of those people just plain depresses me. What does it signify if those are gonna be my life achievements? A car, a house, a husband (in that order). God, I can just feel my life wasting away.

*Sigh* I should just give in to this form of life and submit myself to a life of mediocrity. Now I know why people shoot themselves in the head, I'm almost tempted to do it myself. (Before you start thinking *gasp* she's suicidal, let me just tell you that if suicidal means wondering if life is really worth it, then I suppose I am)

Note: I really didn't mean to rant on like that, but sometimes I just feel so fed up and tired with trying futilely to change something that IS.

2007-04-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

I need to whine, seriously. My stupid tooth is giving me so much pain that it's past the point of uncomfortable-ness. It's like a constant dull ache at the right side of my cheek, and pushing my tongue against that area isn't really helping. No, I do not have a toothache because aren't toothaches supposed to ache 24/7 no matter what you do? When it doesn't hurt, it feels like... Remember the time when you were a kid and had baby teeth and pulled them out. There's this sorta gap between your teeth and it can be felt even without touching? Don't know if you remember it, but I do and it feels like that when it doesn't hurt. My tongue itches to touch that sensitive spot and I've looked into the mirror over and over again with the torchlight flashing into my mouth.

I just hope it isn't a wisdom tooth, which it might be. But how can it be a wisdom tooth when my second molar hasn't even erupted? The absurdity of the entire situation... ugh. I mean, I would have KNOWN if my second molar erupted and was plucked out, right? The root is freaking long and it hurts like hell to pull it out. Dammit, and I'm afraid to go to the dentist (even though I know I should) because if the dentist asks me to remove the tooth, whichever molar it is, I'll be really freaked out. Like, I read that when they pull out the wisdom tooth which has erupted diagonally, they actually put you to sleep and use stitches. Fuck. Not to mention it's gonna cost a bomb, since they'll have to do X-rays and stuff.

Right now my tooth is just weird. The first half has popped out after many years of pain. Yeah, years. It was an on-off thing for me. I think it first started to hurt in Form 4 and kinda stopped after. Then started again last year and tada~ I now have half a tooth formed. It's not fully formed though, just only above the surface and the second half... I checked it this morning, and a tip of whiteness was poking out from the seriously sensitive/painful spot. Well, it's not really viewable, I had to practically mangle my mouth just to get a glimpse of the damn thing. It hurts! *whines*

I can't believe I just spent a post talking about my stupid tooth.

2007-04-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Stupid stupid stupid. I could just kick myself in the head. This is probably the first time I've ever done something just so completely idiotic as doing only 2 questions out of 3... simply because I didn't read the instructions properly. Hell, I was under the impression that we were only supposed to do 2, and assumed that we were given 45 minutes for each one. God, how could I be so stupid? There really isn't any excuse for my completely retarded brain.

I should just shoot myself for idiocy.

2007-04-20T10:41:00.000-07:00

The hot, salty liquid slid down her throat and she moaned in ecstasy. She worked her jaw, feeling the ache from opening it too wide. Wiping off bodily fluids from her mouth, she stood up.

"Ready for another go at the cavity?" The dentist asked.

Couldn't resist *laughs*

2007-04-14T07:26:00.000-07:00

*Sarcastic note* Great day I had today! Woke up at 8am just to see Ms. Sathya about the fucked up syllabus and guess what? We'll have to complete our new text in 3 weeks. Going to be doing Measure for Measure by Shakespeare, it sounds a little more interesting than Antony and Cleopatra, so that's a plus.

The story is basically about this person named Duke Vincentio who is very lax in upholding the law of sexual morality. He then decides to go away (for what reason I don't know yet) and appoints a judge by the name of Angelo, a stringent man when it comes to the law. The story then introduces a man (Claudio) who has impregnated his lover, Juliet but having put off his wedding, is now a criminal. So he gets caught by Angelo who is now upholding the fornication law that demands any person caught fornicating by sentenced to death (or something along those lines). Claudio then begs his sister Isabella, a soon-to-be nun to help save him. Isabella then met with Angelo, who has the hots for her. He makes her a deal: she sleeps with him, he lets her brother go. But Isabella being pure and virtuous, says no and tells her brother to be prepared to die. After much begging from Claudio's part, Isabella meets Duke Vincentio who is disguised as a friar. He cooks up a plan and gets the dumped fiancee of Angelo to sleep with Angelo instead of Isabella, with the condition that the lights are all off. Angelo hadn't wanted to keep his promise, and decided to chop off Claudio's head that very night. However, the Duke had prepared another criminal to be the sacrificial lamb and so all is well. When the Duke returns as himself (not the friar), Isabella and the dumped fiancee Marie then petition him, accusing Angelo of such deeds. Fast forward a few scenes, and Angelo is found guilty of lying, while Isabella and Marie are off scot-free. Angelo is forced to marry Marie, and the Duke proposes to Isabella, to which she gave only silence. The end.

Not bad, I suppose. As compared to Antony and Cleopatra where it was only a fallen general and a woman often referred to as a 'triple-turned whore'.

The bad part of this whole thing is: We have classes during the trial exams, which is a total bitch. Worst of all is having classes during the weekend. Saturday, 8-11 am and Sunday (Sunday!!! Who the hell has classes on Sunday?!) from 2-5 pm. Ugh. Of course I won't be able to make the Sunday classes since I'll be working. I even had to move the Saturday class one hour earlier (it was originally at 9) and I felt pretty bad about it so I didn't ask for a change on Sunday. But I don't really care if I miss 3 hours of class, it sounds bad, but half the time I don't even pay attention so it's okay. Ms. Sathya was already like 'You're working at such a stage in your studies?' and I had to give a bashful reply of 'Only during the weekends.' Argh! I so do not want to go on Saturdays, I'm already dead beat after 8 hours of boredom, and now I can't even enjoy some rest if I have to get up at 7 in the friggin' morning! Thank god it's only for 2 weeks, as long as it doesn't extend anymore.

2007-04-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

What a bloody eventful week! Well, to be exact it's these couple of days. Let's see, I think it started on Thursday. I made a new personal record for the latest time ever woken up: 6.15 pm. The best part was that I wasn't even sure what day it was and thought it was morning. Anyway, after dinner my mom told me that my dad had gotten into an accident. Which is... a surprise of course. But it felt very surreal since she said it so nonchalantly. What happened was, on his drive to Kuantan, my dad encountered a cross wind (which I have no idea what it means, but it's supposedly a wind that crosses your path?) and it actually lifted his car up. Nope, not kidding. After making the car lift up and spinning it around, the car's tires punctured so my dad had to change them in the pouring rain. Guess those bengkel lessons would come in handy now, huh. End of Day 1.

On Day 2, woke up and everything was as normal as it can get on a Friday morning when I have class. Got up, passed up my homework, went to class, went back home, and chilled. Then Suz and me went to grab lunch at McD and her car kinda was diagonally rubbing against the wall (in simpler times, the turning wasn't good enough so she scratched the car) so we were stuck and didn't know what to do. Then these two guys came and they started talking in mumbled Chinese and made hand gestures. To cut things short, they called this security guard dude and together lifted the car up (Geez, what's with my life and the lifting up of cars?) while I was inside (I was stuck since my door couldn't open or it would hit the wall). Of course, I scrambled out after that but it's really like whoa, since I've never seen complete strangers do things like lift a car up; good Samaritans, I suppose.

Okay then, she parked the car alright afterwards, and we walked into McD. Then we almost bumped into John and that was cool too, since I don't really care if we did or not. When Suz finished lunch, I got a call from Ms. Sylvia (my English Lit. lecturer) asking me if I could check the A-Levels syllabus, so I told her sure, as soon as I got home. Reached home, opened the cie.org website, scrolled down, and realized that for Paper 5 of Eng. Lit. Antony & Cleopatra ISN'T in the syllabus for the May/June 2007 Paper. Wonderful. There goes 1 year's worth of work. Personally, I wasn't as panicked as the rest of the class. It does affect me, but I haven't started on studying it yet, so thank God I didn't waste any time analyzing Shakespeare's words on that play. Everyone I know (who called me) are pretty pissed.

John: Great, we're fucked for Paper 5.
Shal: I hate that woman, I'm freaking out right now.
Jerusha: She's so stupid! Argh, I don't want to cram everything in 1 month's time!
The rest aren't really worth mentioning.

I wonder how much crap Sylvia's gonna get from Sathya and the class. Of course, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut and watch the fireworks; wouldn't want to get involved in any gangfights *laugh*. I honestly feel sorry for Sylvia, sure it's her fault but now everyone's going to hate her. I think one of the reasons why I just can't get mad at this anymore is because I'm just tired of being irritated at her ignorance. Yes, she screwed us over a few times (most notable before this would be the AS paper where she focused on the wrong poems) but even then I found it ironic that even though we all thought her a stupid cow, we actually believed what she told us and read accordingly. When the results came out, blame started getting thrown everywhere. It's kinda sad that we never really blame ourselves when shit like this happens. I mean, come on! Everyone said she knew crap, and always went late for her class, doesn't it say that you think she's unreliable as a lecturer? And yet you still trust her word? Get real.

Anyway, the issue here isn't about the results, it's us having the wrong syllabus in our hands 1 month away from the finals. God, I hope we don't have extra classes on Saturday just to make up for lost time.

Okay, moving on. My mom received a call today from my aunt, saying that she's leaving for New Zealand tonight at 8pm to get married. My mom was definitely surprised since there were no talks about it beforehand and it was just like:

"Hey, how are you?"
"I just wanted to tell you I'm going to NZ tonight to get married, I'll be back in a week."

Come on, who does that to family? Getting hitched this way... I can practically feel the disapproval oozing from my mom when she told me about it. Why is she getting married in NZ and not Malaysia? Because Malaysia needs to get rid of idiots in the syariah courts. Here's what happened. My aunt married this SOB who is also Malay (comes as no surprise he's a SOB), was abused by him (I think) and left him. Divorce was filed but there were some problems in the processing of the documents. Bottomline: She's officially a muslim and can't marry her current long-term boyfriend. So now they flee for New Zealand, the land where sheeps and cows and goats graze on grass oh-so-green. You know the place they refer to when they say 'the grass is always greener on the other side'? Well, it's the backward land of New Zealand (not that Malaysia's any better). Okay, didn't mean to sound so mocking of New Zealand, it's really a beautiful country! Lord of the Rings was shot there, maybe we'll even see a few ~~dwarves~~ hobbits wandering around the grassy planes. Whatever. Yeah, so... now she's getting married! Too bad I can't see the wedding, pity.

There, don't you think it was a very eventful couple of days? I can't believe I actually wanted things to happen in my life, I think I'd prefer boredom over these any day.

And Claire? I can't view your blog. The url is: http://icecreamlicousbyme.blogspot.com/ right?

2007-04-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Ah, my oh-so-wonderfully-dead blog.

*Picks a little algae off the top*

*Drums fingers thinking of what to write*

Hum... *tries to think back on the past few days* Let's see... Ooh! I did notes on Law! *Laughs* Very interesting, isn't it? But I'm so close to finishing my bloody notes on Tort, and halfway through copying, I just stopped and wondered what the hell I was doing? I printed out all the notes from the Net and now I'm copying them into my book? A bit pointless, isn't it? But... I didn't want to read so many printed stuff since I have the textbook and Ananth's notes. Might as well have something handwritten. Okay, pointless topic of discussion. Blah.

I hate my hair! It's becoming all frizzy (just a little) I just want to chop it all off. Not planning to go bald here, but I want something that I don't have to tie up. Nowadays my hair gets all tangled up at the ends and it pisses my brother off cause I'm trying to comb all the knots out in the car and my elbow keeps kinda hitting him. If you're wondering why I don't bother doing it before college, it's simply because I don't have time. Between waiting for my tea to cool off and taking a cold shower, I have all of 5 minutes to dump whatever books I need (which isn't much, haha to Suzanne) into my dirty black bag (making the god-knows-what stains look awful) and running to the car while my stupid ass of a brother looks like he's ready to leave without me. Not that I care, cause then I have an excuse to skip class...

So anyway, back to my hair. Most everybody's been telling to not to cut it and don't I miss it, blah blah blah. Nope, I don't. It's not like I'm swearing off long hair forever, and it'll grow back, so what's the biggie about cutting? It's not like your virginity, once broken, consider sold (Okay, bad joke). I wanna cut it... shoulder length? Was planning to go shorter, but damn me for having a round face! Damn damn damn. Hmm... and maybe a fringe? Hopefully I don't go to the dark ages and be forced to walk around with a cap permanently glued to my head.

2007-02-17T09:35:00.000-08:00

Whoot! New Year break starts and I've loaded up a tonne of movies to watch! Can't wait for that! Sleeping late, getting up late... Luckily I didn't have to go to my dad's hometown or anything this year, not that we went last year or the year before anyway. But then, there was this program I really wanted to watch on TV so it really was a good thing that he had to go to Seremban.

Hmm... I think I'm starting to not care about holidays anymore. Like, the significance of them; take for instance, Christmas. Of course I know it's Jesus' birthday and all, but I just don't understand why people get all worked up over it, decorate bloody plants and spend more money just so they can feel good. Hell, I told my mom not to bother with those things anymore since Christmas is only one day. I mean, who wants to lug out all the junk from the storeroom, decorate it, and then take it down the day after Christmas? Hardly worth it.

And then there's Chinese New Year. Gee, what more do I have to say about it? For everyone who goes: 'Ooh, I'm only there for the money!', do you have any idea who unbelievably insane you are? Okay, so maybe I haven't been receiving enough money so I'm saying stuff like this (And then someone will go: 'You're just jealous I got more ang pau money than you.' Yeah sure, sweetie. Why don't you just run along and shove all that cash up your ass for all I care?) Why do people even celebrate 2 new years? Hell, if I'm a parent, I would definitely ban CNY in my house. Think of all the money you waste because your money-grubbing kid can't wait to get his sticky fingers onto some dumbass toy. And having to decorate your house, entertain guests (who also have similar kids panting for that measly RM 5. *Rolls eyes*) not to mention visiting people and spending money on gifts just to seem like a sweet house guest. So I'm a miser, big deal. I just don't see the point in spending unnecessary money.

Oh, and I just had a friend who recently broke up. Poor dude. Seems the chick was leading him on cuz she thought she would hurt him more if she broke up with him. Ha-ha. See what happens when you fall in love? 'She changes my life, I'm a better man.' Puh-leeze. When someone told me that about his girlfriend, all I gave him was an incredulous look and laughed. Of course, I didn't say, 'That's only until you break up. But oh yeah, she'll rock your world then.' Geez, millions of people do it, and why do we keep repeating the same old shit over and over again? Didn't they say the point of history was to prevent stupid mistakes from happening again? Well guess not when it comes to us pathetically idiotic human beings. 'Oh, I just can't help falling in love.' Yeah, and you just can't help but falling out of love eventually.

I guess I'm feeling very cynical right now.

2007-02-14T05:53:00.000-08:00

Thank God V-day's over. Goodbye overpriced chocolates! Goodbye expensive scent-less roses! Goodbye people wearing red and pink combos in college! Okay, I honestly have nothing against V-day, but don't you need to like, have a shitload of money to be able to spend? People should just be celebrating V-day on a random day so the prices of gifts are way way cheaper. I mean, come on! A 100% -200% increment in prices? Though truthfully speaking, if I'm one of those damn vendors, I would most likely increase the prices of my goods, simply because I know there are so many suckers out there willing to buy just about anything.

I'm finally blogging after ages and here I am talking about V-day. God. Well, at least there's Singles Awareness Day on the 15th. Someone should promote SAD on a large scale, after all, if St. Valentine could do it, so can we. Hmm... maybe we should make T-shirts that say 'Two's boring, three's company' as opposed to 'Two's company, three's a crowd'.

2007-01-24T23:06:00.000-08:00

Now, I know that I've been ranting and whining a lot for the past few days but let me just say that my prediction of having a really bad week was true. Coming from me that's a lot considering that I'm not a particularly superstitious person. But dammit! It's been three days and there's been nothing but shittiness in my life; not major shit, just the minor little ones that makes your day slightly worse than it already is. My mood these few days hasn't really been uplifting (I'm not always depressed you know) and they've been slightly on the down side. It's the kinda feeling where you just don't give a shit, and your mood can be best described as... being lukewarm (I hate lukewarm so that's how I would describe it). Neither very hot nor cold (the way I like it) and just warm enough to get under your skin but not enough to make you explode, you know that feeling?

Let's recap the day: Woke up as usual and was feeling a little energetic, which is great since I usually feel like crap first thing in the morning (anyone who knows me knows that I don't utter a single word unless I've had something to drink). I knew I was in for some shit today cuz I hadn't handed in my examination registration form. Fine, that I could deal with. But then they told me that I had to pay the RM10 fine over at the A&B which is on ground floor (Exam Dept.'s on the first) which is a total fucking waste of my time since my mom was waiting for me outside college to pick me up. Little irritated but it's my fault so that's alright, not very pissed off. Day went great, and this stupid incident just ruined it.

I was going to eat maggee mee and planning to watch 'One Piece', and the stupid fucking bowl spilled! All over the floor, a little on the keyboard, splattered all over my pants, and ruined about half an hour of my day just walking back and forth sweeping broken pieces of noodles and soaping the damn floor. *Insert swear word of choice here* Nope, it's longer than just plain 'fuck'. No, it's not motherfucking sonofabitch (I don't use that phrase often anyway) but it does have the word 'fucking' in it. Christ, why the hell am I rambling about swear words anyway? Okay, back to my shitty hour. Yeah, so I spent almost 45 minutes (if it's not 45 minutes then it felt like one friggin' hour). Oh, and did I also mention I had the college elevator door close in on my fucking head? Yeah, I just remembered. Fucking door, someone should just fix the damn thing, cuz the buttons don't work well. Seems like things just love to close in on my head. What, does my head have a sign on it saying 'Please slam on it, as if my IQ wasn't low enough already and you just need to make me more of a fucktard.'

So tell me, ain't it a crappy week? I just can't wait to see what happens tomorrow. Maybe I'll fall down a flight of stairs and break my neck... Nah, Lady Bad Luck would probably be saving the best for last. With the way things are going, I'll probably find a cockroach in my bed or even a fucking rat. Probably have both the roaches and the broken neck on the same fucking day. Dammit, I never believed in unlucky days, but this sure as hell is one unlucky half-week. Tomorrow... I'll maybe find out that the straight A's I got weren't real after all and that I actually got a B or something. Now that's a real depressing thought but it's something that's just frightening me. You see, I never expected an A, and I'm almost anticipating someone pulling the rug from under me. The feeling of having something that was too good to be true? Yeap, it's happening to me now. What if it was a printing error? Or that they had marked the wrong paper? Hopefully I break out of this myriad of bad luck soon. A series of unfortunate events, ha-ha. Why does it sound so much better than what it would actually feel like?

Jesus, I need to get a grip of myself, I'm sounding almost neurotic now and am just babbling a load of nonsense on my blog.

2007-01-23T01:57:00.000-08:00

Argh! I can foretell a very very bad week already. First, I got my period, then I banged my head on the car door (because it closed while I was getting in so my head got slammed in). Now it's Tuesday and after donating blood (yes, I did it again!) I felt so dizzy and completely horrid. Not to mention that I asked a friend to submit my examination registration form but she didn't, and the deadline was today! My friend only called me after I reached home saying that she needed my ID to submit it. Dammit, dammit, dammit. I'll probably be fined 10 bucks for late submission and get some shit from Ms. Elizabeth about late submissions and yada yada yada. Ugh!!! *Feels like screaming and kicking something* All I can think of now is 'Fuck, fuck, fuck. I don't wanna fucking pay any money.'

Yeah, okay. So I know it's my fault for being too lazy and there really isn't any excuse, but I'm just so irritated right now. Damn, damn, damn. God, I should calm down a little. Take deep breaths, relax. It's not the end of the world. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Oh, fuck it. It's not working.

2007-01-22T06:50:00.000-08:00

I officially feel like shit and presumably will feel this way for the rest of the week. Physically I mean. Think I might have caught something from all the viruses lying dormant in the house, and the fact that I fell asleep on the sofa (which my dad practically lived in when he was having bronchitis). Not to mention my menstruation is being a total bitch to me. Yeah, I just wanna whine about my oh-so-crappy day, that's all.

So anyway, I got back my AS (Advanced Subsidiary) results on Friday and guess what? Haha. You would never guess it. I actually got straight As for my subjects. Okay, so I'm only taking two subjects (Literature in English and Law) but nonetheless, it's an awesome feeling. I can just feel the disbelief that you guys have for me, not that I'm surprised. I couldn't believe it myself either, I mean, I don't even do that much studying except for the one month of cramming before the exam started. But let me just state that it was good cramming since I sacrificed a lot of things, like going online at night for a few hours (I can't study in the afternoon, I'm too sleepy) and actually sat in my room to read my notes *gasps*. And my dad was so mean about it when I told him.

Me: Guess what? I got straight As in my A Levels.
Dad: Oh? Congratulations.
Me: Thank you, hehe.
Dad: How many subjects do you take?
Me: Two
Dad laughs
Me undaunted
Dad: Good thing you took the subjects you wanted, eh?
Me: Yeap

You see? How could he laugh at me!!! Well, I asked Jerusha if she expected me to get these grades and she was like 'Um...' with those huge long pause and I was just 'You didn't think I would, did you?' Damn, these people are just too horrible. Even my law lecturer was saying that it's a miracle I actually got an A in Law. Not that I'm really affected by what they think, since I didn't really have the confidence to get that kind of grade, but you know...

I can't believe there are so many people re-taking the paper, even though they got a C for it. But since re-taking's a lot cheaper than re-marking it (RM 500 just to ask Cambridge to remark it!) I guess that's their only option. I don't even understand why they want to charge such an expensive rate. Okay, so maybe they don't want their standards to drop, and if everyone who gets bad results ask for a recheck, it's gonna be a bitch for them, but still!

2007-01-14T08:58:00.000-08:00

Damn, gotta go back to college again tomorrow. I'm so lazy!!! Plus I have a few more calls to make because the WAO bailed out on us, ugh! Not that I've been doing much studying for the past week even though A2 is just around the corner, I haven't gotten my Tort Law textbook when we've already started class since last year, and I'm still dawdling when it comes to David Copperfield and Antony & Cleopatra. The worst part is that even though I have so many books to read, I still got some from the library and I have to return them by Wednesday (yeah, my life is incredibly interesting).

Not that I've been touching them anyway, all I've been doing is watch Prison Break (really good series, sort of). The guy's not bad looking (kind of) but he's all... bald (crew cut means the same as bald to me, haha). It's basically about this guy whose brother has been (supposedly) framed for a murder he didn't commit and is sentenced to the death penalty. So now he wants to into prison to save his brother (yeah, my synopsis sucks, but that's basically the story in a nutshell). Speaking of the death penalty, I am all for it (might be a little random I know). Are you?

2007-01-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

I'm so going to be under a lot of stress for the next few days, especially with this new project that I'm trying to start. I'm starting to doubt myself and wonder if it's all worth it *sighs*. I find myself crumbling in my resolve every single time a roadblock appears, and I can't (and absolutely refuse) back out, simply because my pride is too huge for the whole world to know that I just couldn't take it and they knew that it would happen since this is far too big a project for some tiny little shit like me. Yeah, I know I'm rambling on about nonsensical things but it'll all be clear soon, at least I hope it'll be.

2007-01-07T06:55:00.000-08:00

Hehe, just read finish Rurouni Kenshin and it has such a nice ending! At least, I'll pretend it does, since I read somewhere on Wiki that Kenshin actually remains a vagabond and comes home every couple years to visit Kaoru, which is totally ridiculous. Well, at least there wasn't a narrative saying that, although it was implied. What is it about me and happy endings? I just adore reading stories with a happy ending in it, even though I know that reality is so far from that. As much as I love a reality-based story, with the protagonist dead it ain't as much fun anymore, haha. I guess I'm just a romantic at heart (Yes, I do have a heart despite popular belief).

I think one of the reasons why happy endings are such good sellers is simply because they defy reality and logic. Sure, we know what life is like but sometimes pretending that life isn't a piece of shit makes life not so crappy. I mean, imagine if you knew that life was this bleak dark place, who on this earth would be able to go on living, right? God, I sound so emotional. But really, I can't seem to stop a smile from appearing on my face simply because of a happy ending.

Speaking of happy endings, does anyone ever realize the entire plot of chick lit is a bunch of crap? Let me summarize it: Boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy, incident happens that breaks them apart, and love overcomes it all. Ha-ha. You wanna know the ironic thing? It's that in some books, the heroine happens to be a pudge who dreams of landing a hot, gorgeous, intelligent, buffed man who will accept her for who she is. What a load of shit. At the same time, she goes on judging other pudgy men who come after her. Now, maybe I'm being a little bitchy here, but shouldn't she just look in the mirror and do a double-check? I forgot the title, but there was this story about this chick who wanted to be a baker (she's supposed to be this pretty damn good cook or something) and she happens to meet an extremely sexy and yada yada yada dude. Incidentally, she's the size of a whale. They end up happily ever after (with her getting huger by the day).

These books are wrong. Seriously, they give women all around the world hope that maybe they'll land that Prince Charming (who is undoubtedly going to be very un-prince-like.) Which was when I came up with this theory (So maybe it's a little bit old, but who cares?), the authors are women indulging in their own fantasy. Point proven when I found a picture of her (or them) and she happens to be just a little bit fat. Now, I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with being fat, but come on! She's probably dreaming of landing her sexy beach bum, whilst married to a fat, balding man who happens to be boring. All I'm saying is: Stop feeding us females the happy ever after pill, because we'll end up living in delusion.

I am so contradictory, aren't I? First I say I love happy endings, now I say stop it. Hmm... I wonder what this world would be like if every fictional book depicted the world as harsh and cruel. At least then we wouldn't have to give ourselves illusions on stupid things that aren't going to happen.

Yeah, enough of my ranting on about stupid nonsense. Anyway, I'm undergoing a lot of stress this month! First, there is the fact that the magazine is supposed to be launched on the 9th of January, but the adviser hasn't given me any pictures, articles and advertisements. Oh, and I'm also planning a project (which I will withhold from mentioning until it's all confirmed which will be definitely by a few weeks), AS results are coming out on the 19th! And then there's this stupid gala dinner that Shal is guilting me into going. She practically gave me a guilt card and said 'Go to jail if you do not attend'. Ugh.

2007-01-03T03:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, I started a new blog, again. Hey, it's a new year and I can do anything the hell I want right? Considerably better than reincarnating an already dead and useless blog, I say. So... it's a new fucking year and what have I done? Next to nil. I can just see my entire teenage years flit past me. Am I even considered a teenager at 19?

Oh well, that's life. Anyway, I'm extremely looking forward to tasting the foods that the new cafeteria has to offer. Hopefully it'll be good, or at least better than the previous one. But damn those people for not making anymore curry puffs, now I'll have to eat super-fattening nasi lemak for breakfast, assuming that I actually have enough classes to stay back until mid-morning, ha-ha. Gosh, I just LOVE my new schedule, except for Mondays where I have to stay back for 5 hours just to see the crazy woman's face. But I'm just too mean, she's not crazy; she's merely... different. I mean, who the hell makes replacement classes for CNY holidays?! That's just so fucking insane and practically not a holiday anymore. Not to mention I'm only halfway through David Copperfield and zilch through Wide Sargasso Sea.

Okay, gotta stop ranting about it already, it's too old an argument to revive it. Anyway, since it's the new year, it's already 3 days past but who cares, I've come up with a few new year resolutions for myself, albeit hating the idea of them because I couldn't care less about my determination that happens every 6 months.

1. Be a nicer person. Go on and laugh, I know you want to. Despite my protestations that I actually am a nice person, people just can't seem to see that.
2. Hmm, I was gonna put 'Stop being a lazy cow' but then I decided that it was impossible. I don't want to stop being lazy, I hate being hardworking, it makes me tired. (Good god, what have I become?)
3. Learn to say 'No'. I need to stop pleasing people and avoiding confrontations. Screw them, love me. (If you don't get it, then nevermind)